What It’s Like Living with Emetophobia

And Why I’m Finally Talking About It Now

I don’t think I’ve ever written about this publicly before—but it’s been such a big part of my life for as long as I can remember.

I have emetophobia, which is the intense fear of vomiting (or seeing/hearing someone else get sick). It’s one of those phobias people don’t really talk about much—so I want to start.

I can trace mine back to when I was about five years old. I got a horrible bout of food poisoning from something I ate at my grandma’s house. She was the sweetest soul, but she had a very generous view of expiration dates—and let’s just say, her fridge was always a little… adventurous. She meant absolutely no harm, but that experience stuck with me in a way I don’t think I fully understood at the time.

It Took Over My Childhood

From that moment on, something shifted. I became the kid who wouldn’t go to birthday parties or school trips. I had to know what was being served, how long food had been sitting out, what bathroom was nearby “just in case.”

I missed out on so many normal childhood moments because the fear of getting sick felt bigger than me.

To this day, I still check expiration dates obsessively. I avoid certain foods. I get anxious in crowded places. It’s not just a passing worry—it’s been a lens through which I’ve viewed so much of my life.

I’m Not Letting It Define My Future

Even though it’s been with me for decades, I’ve slowly realized that I am not my phobia.
Yes, it shaped me.
Yes, it still shows up in my daily life.
But I also know this: I am in control of how I respond to it.

Over the past few years, I’ve gently pushed myself outside my comfort zone in ways that felt impossible before. I’ve gone out to eat at new restaurants without spiraling, handled moments where I didn’t have hand sanitizer without panic, and even started to enjoy travel again. In January, I visited Disneyland—right in the middle of a major norovirus outbreak. That alone would have sent me running years ago. These moments may seem small to others, but to me, they’re huge milestones. Five years ago, I never would have imagined doing any of this—and I’m really proud of how far I’ve come.

And here’s something personal—
I want to be pregnant one day.
I want to grow my family and walk through that experience with love, not fear. I’m also a certified birth doula. I’ll be surrounded by new moms and babies. And I know I’ll show up for them with calm, grounded presence—even if a small part of me is still working through this phobia.

Why I’m Sharing This

I’m not writing this because I have all the answers—I’m writing it because I know someone else out there is going through this too.

If you’ve ever felt ashamed, isolated, or “dramatic” for having this fear—you’re not alone.

You’re human.
And you’re healing.
Just like me.

This is the first of a few gentle posts I’ll be writing about emetophobia—how it’s impacted my life, how I manage it, and how I’m slowly reclaiming power over it.

If you’re here reading this, thank you. You’re part of the reason I feel brave enough to finally say it out loud.

With love,
Melissa